The Journal of effika.
back 03-19-05 18:00
I'm going to edit this for clarity and tense and all that good stuff later on. Just need to post /something/ tonight. :-)

I'm back. I don't think I wanted to be back right now, but nobody would answer their damn phones, except for Thai. Thai informed me that Heath was in town from his base in South Dakota so they were probably all at Jason's. Except I can't find anybody. Thai thought Paul was in Norman, but it turns out Paul is actually on his way back from Kansas City with his parents. Anyway, I got fed up from wondering if anybody would acknowledge me and did what I always do when feeling left out: drive long distances, and returned to Norman.

I suppose the above paragraph's not entirely true. I hung out with David and Annie for 3 hours this afternoon before I left. They encouraged me to join them in drinking peppermint schnapps and playing Pirates this evening, but I'd seen David most of this week, and he and Annie were coming up to OKC next weekend anyway. I'm a little leery of drinking after this Saturday, anyway.

Saturday was a blast, except for the last 2 hours or so. I woke up early, feeling refreshed, and the weather was pefect for a drive. I had good food with my mom for lunch, then hung out with Jason and Aaron until I had more good food for dinner with my parents. My parents and I played some Mario Party 6, and then Jason called me to come hang out. We waited on Paul, then hung out with Thai at the hotel where he's the nightclerk for a few hours before getting some alcohol. Paul wanted some kind of sugary Smirnoff 3-point malt beverage, and since I don't like "real" beer I had some of his. (Note to self: stick to whiskey.) Now it's late. It's around 3am. I am enjoying my extremely bland and diabetes-inducing beverage at a moderate pace, knowing that if I chug this thing I'll start slurring. Due to my low body-weight and abnormally fast reaction to anything chemical I prefer to go slowly with ALL alcohol, no matter what the content, to let my body get used to it. I was under the impression we'd be up drinking until dawn, but Jason then informed us that he wanted to go to bed soon. Under his pressure I chugged it, and-- you guessed it-- started slurring a few minutes later. At this point Jason handed me another, but I wanted to be able to drive home tonight and refused. Paul was getting up to leave, but I threw my arms around him and convinced him that he needed to stay another 30 minutes until the slurring stopped and I was OK to drive. Besides, he's a light-weight like me and it would be best if he stayed a few more minutes. Jason had finished most of his 6-pack by that point, and turned into a redneck mean drunk. This is when I decided that either I do not drink around Jason, or I do so only when Chuck's there to put him in his place.

Speaking of Charles, Jason claims that Chuck's getting a little too friendly for his tastes. Jason apparently doesn't think they're good enough friends to cuddle, or to massage backs, or to put their arms aruond each other, or anything fun like that. I think Charles knows something that Jason doesn't want to admit to-- he's turned down women more than once recently. Cute women, one of which came right out and asked him for it. Poor Jason. One of these days he'll admit the eyeshadow is because it makes him feel pretty, not to express his "angst".

Lest I forget, I also played some BF 1942 with Garret and other people. It was very fun, and I will talk more of it at some point. :-)
A lesson 03-10-05 18:12
I have never had the social instinct that others seem to have. I learned all my manners from books and advice columns, and I learned how to interact with real live people from stories those ESTJs (the most gregarious type) would tell me online, and by people-watching. After ten years or so of study, I've got a pretty good grasp on how to behave around other people. I'm no longer un-aproachable, for the most part I can carry on small talk with a stranger (even if it is taxing), and lately it's become second nature to act social in situations where it's expected. Sometimes I even enjoy it. :-)

Tonight I had dinner with Paul, and at the end we had a nice hug. As I had iniated the act, I thanked him for it. Paul then held me out at arms length, surprised--


"You're not supposed to thank people for hugs, you know."

"You're not?"

"No, it makes it sound like it's a favor."


-- and pulled me in for a more proper hug before parting.

(Paul sure does use a lot of indefinite pronouns for an English major.)

On some level I felt that it was a favor to hug me, or go to dinner with me, or to see movies with me, or in general spend time around me. It's one of those relics Ryan left me. That I'm so awkward that nobody else would have me, ect. For the most part I'm back to acting like I'd never met him. And here's Paul, somebody who's cared for me for many years, and I'm thanking him for a hug. He's right, of course. If he didn't want to hug me, he wouldn't. Even if Paul didn't want to hug me but cared enough to do so anyway so I wouldn't feel bad, he's still hugging me. He would still want to in that case, even if it's not the same want as I have. It's a completely voluntary exchange of feeling-good, and not a favor. A favor is somthing like keeping my suitcase at his place so I can leave right after class on Friday to make it to the dentist (which would have happened if my appointment wasn't moved up six weeks.).

I've been reading a lot of Joseph Heller. Can you tell?

There is an insightful reply at effika.net that you may wish to read as well.
MEMEGEN! Woo-oo! 03-07-05 14:43
Your Superhero Persona
by couplandesque
Your Name
Superhero NameThe Scotsman
Super PowerCan See Into The Future
EnemyThe Gangsta
Mode Of TransportationShopping Cart
WeaponA Stapler
Quiz created with MemeGen!


I totally need to sketch this character out. Although wouldn't that be Scottswoman? How eerie that I really am Scottish...
Where I've Been 03-06-05 09:21
Monday: being killed by mold

Tuesday: being killed by mold

Wednesday:studied for philosophy, Paul canceled dinner because he forgot he had an audiologist appointment and it doesn't bother me because I'm being killed by mold

Thursday:Took my philosophy midterm, Paul made plans with me for Friday, grocery shopped, and not quite being killed by mold.

Friday:Paul cancels AGAIN but rescheduled for Saturday @ lunch, hung out with Garret and his very cool suitemate, while mostly surviving the mold at this point.

Saturday:Lunch avec Paul, worked out the pathway as much as I could for microbial physiology, Paper Mario 2, Iron Chef, chat with Jason, Sean woke me up at 2am to talk, fell asleep at 3am, mold is only a slight problem.

Sunday:Up at 10.15am, showered, lunch of dried cranberries, in a happy mood although I know I have no reason to be, and probably talk to Sean and have the group meeting for microbial physiology and watch Adult Swim and talk to Sean some more. MOLD IS NO LONGER A PROBLEM.

See, mold likes to inflame any mucus membrane it comes in contact to, whether it be my eyes, nasal passages, gums, or throat. I have spent most of last week in a heavily-sedated state due to Benadryl.

Also, Sneaker went in for spaying and declawing this week. I feel so bad for her-- there was no reason she needed to be declawed. My roommates didn't tell me when it was, either, because they knew I'd try to stop them. Sneaker's such a smart kitten, too. When I was making lunch yesterday she came over and yowled at me until I bent down to her. She stretched out her paws and yelled while looking at me, then rolled over so I could see her stiches and meowed and pointed. We cuddled for a while yesterday, but I feel so bad that I can't do much for her.
03-03-05 13:08
You scored as Anarchism. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'>

Anarchism

83%

Green

67%

Democrat

67%

Socialist

58%

Communism

42%

Republican

17%

Fascism

17%

Nazi

8%

What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com


Where did that Nazi part come from? I bet it was that question about the Environment! Or something equally as silly.


*Note: not a Nazi.

Random 02-27-05 19:29
Reposted from effika.net/weblog

Ok.

Something is totally doing a number on my allergies. I suspect mold, as it's the only thing Claritin won't take care of for me. Actually, anything but Benadryl is useless when combating mold. I'm hopped up on Benadryl right now so I don't know how nicely this will be written.

It was Friday night, and Paul was out of town, Ryan was at work, Sean was at work, I didn't feel like seeing Dave... Charles! Kevin was going out of town this weekend as well, so Chuck was at loss for things to do. Charles got Ryan's key to Paul and Ryan's apartment (his main computer is there, plus it's pimped out for watching movies) and we headed off to Hasting's. Neither of us had anything in mind to rent. We were at the W's and decided to just rent The Whole Ten Yards. This was a bad idea. It was a terrible movie. The movie had its moments, but anything that could have been sub-par was. Ryan came home near the end and we started playing things on Addictinggames.com. We hit up Peasant's Quest, MoebiusSyndrome, and Text Twist. I finally left around 1am, and that was pretty much my Friday night. Exciting, n'est-ce pas?

Although I did find out Charles thinks I'd be a decent parent, which was kind of cool.

Saturday I redid the website. I also got drunk-IM'd by David on Jason's account. Apparently the two of them plus some girl named Sunnie got pretty wasted last night. Poor David was so out of it he couldn't reach the shift key on the keyboard!

Sunday I tried to read Philosophy but couldn't concentrate. I have an essay midterm in there on Wednesday. Hm. Probably should study some for that.

I need to do my French homework but I'm running into the same concentration problems. Yay!

Wow I can't believe how poorly this entry was written. I doubt I'll edit it into properness, though.

BTW: I'm thinking of making a little cheatsheet for names I talk of, since in the almost-year since KMorg's been down the cast has changed.
Stolen from Duo 02-25-05 15:35
1. What does your elowel nickname mean?
It's short for Mieffika, which was the name of a wizard|mage I had a dream about. They were fighting another wizard|mage whose name I no longer recall.

2. Elaborate on your icon?
I'm too lazy to upload one. But when I do, I imagine it'll be of the 2 lines of color + 50 Photoshop filters variety.

3. Do you lie about your age?
No, although I sometimes tell people I'm 22. I'm just 21, but 22 is easier to say.

4. How many replies do you have?
4. I kinda futzed out with posting here in lieu of elsewhere. My main site is still here, but I like keeping up with everyone.

5. Whats your current status?
Single/Junior/Micro major/employed/alive. Pick one.

6. What are you wearing right now?
Baggy Calvin Kleins (I think they were supposed to be skin-tight jeans but nothing's that tight on me. Ten bucks on eBay, what more could I ask?), Nike running shoes that are almost a year old now, a red and black Fuel shirt I acquired at a concert, and my suitjacket from my debating days.

7. What is life to you?
It's not anything. We're just here. It's not like any of this matters, but it's fun to pull meaning out of the noise sometime.

8. What is love to you?
Safety that's dangerous all at the same time. When it doesn't matter what time you need them, they're there. When their smile is the greatest possible reward you could ever receive. Also cuddling together on the couch to read.

9. What do you hate most?
I don't really hate. But I am quite annoyed at people who form opinions without any knowledge of the matter.

10. What do you love most?
My friends and family.

11. What makes you happy?
Good friends, a good movie/book, good music, and having a goal to work towards.

12. Are you musically inclined?
I used to be really, really awesome at trombone. Then I got depressed and dropped it my Freshman year of college. It's been 3 years now, and I miss playing. I also used to play the Viola fairly decently.

13. What would you do if you woke up one morning and found out that the person you love most doesn't exist?
"Congratulations Person Whom I Love Second Best-- You're #1!!" No, not really. I'd probably go into shock and stop eating for a few weeks. After coming around, I'd probably have a very depressing time and would hopefully have the support of my friends to get through it. I doubt I'd be the same for a long, long time, though.

14. If you could go back in time, and change ONE thing, what would you change?
I would have continued playing trombone in college. Despite all the lovers, all the friends, all the colleges I could have chosen or acted differently to, giving up the trombone is the only thing I think I'd ever change. It truly is the only thing I honestly regret.

15. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what will you be?
A kitten with a very loving owner, so that I could play and sleep and cuddle all day. :-)

16.Ever had a near death experience?
Closest I've come to that is heat sickness (I wasn't the only one: it was regularly 125ºF on the practice field), and an unidentified meninges infection when I was four. To this day they still don't know what was wrong with me, or why I got better.

17. Name ONE obvious quality you have.
I'm short.

18. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
Widow - The Mars Volta

19. Are you happy today?
Kinda sorta maybe no. Hello, feelings of generalized anxiety!

20. Who will cut and paste this first?
Heck, probably nobody.
Miss you guys 02-24-05 17:59
I like having my own domain, but I miss communities like this. How is everyone doing? I know of John's and Jen's and Brett's journals, all of which I need to catch up on. Anybody else remember me?

And KMorg is coming back?! Not run by Scott, though I think Ryan (Mr. Bread) is on board. I wonder if they'll get any of the regulars there again. It seems like most of us have found alternate places to blog. I know I don't feel like picking up and moving again.
Find Me Elsewhere 02-16-05 16:45
I'm using this account only for replies. If you'd like to visit my real blog, take a look here.
Hello, 08-20-04 11:34
My name is effika. I'm new to elowel.
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